Past of my Future
by N.V.9
Summary: A love like theirs was meant to last, but fell to pieces. Years later, they meet again and this time Itachi plans to make sure their love stays strong no matter what anyone says, especially now that he has a son he knew nothing about.
1. Chapter 1

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

**A/N: I was writing the next chapters of a few different stories and ideas of what I wanted to put in them wouldn't have worked or fit in unless I rewote a bunch of stuff, so in the end I was like, eh, new story. So if anything looks familiar to previous stories, you know why. That and I wanted to do an ItachixDeidara fic. :D **

Itachi stood in his empty apartment on the third floor, over looking the city. Street lamps glared harshly over the ground, showcasing the city at it's best. Lights danced from moving advertisements as music of various kinds clashed together angrily. People walked about, some in groups, a few alone. Each of them were either laughing or in a hurry to get somewhere. Cars honked for others to move, or honked just because. Taxis sped by, squeezing into places that most drivers wouldn't think to try. Police were on the prowl, their eyes forever moving between each face they passed, watching everyone to make sure everyone was okay.

Turning his gaze away from the ground, Itachi looked up toward the sky. The clouds were thick, but then again, it could have been smog instead. Either way, it blocked the sky from view, hiding the stars that should have been shining. Not that they would have been viewable any other time. In a city this big, nature was as rare as death was constant.

With a sigh, he turned away from the window, looking over his home, each artical or item in shades of grey and black, the darken sky empasising the two colors. Everything was sleek, defined, and expensive. For six years he had lived here. Had the privilage of owning a place such as this. Owning only the best of the best, the finest of everything. His kitchen was made for an award winning chef. His sitting quarters were made to be in a magazine. His bedroom was of top notch material made for a king. His bathroom was made out of a fantasy.

Everything in this apartment was perfect. Was spectacular. Was...

Boring.

Leaning his back against the window, Itachi looked at the giant fireplace, untouched as always. Once upon a time, his life had more. There was color, beauty. Once upon a time clothes would have littered the floor. The counters wouldn't have shined the way they did now. The pantry would have been filled with junk. The bathroom would have been messy and the bed never made. Once upon a time he would have walked in the door and music would have invaded the silence he now suffered with, lights would have all been on. Once upon a time he would have been forced to go out and walk in the rain.

Slidding down the window, Itachi felt the cold hardwood floors seep through his clothing. Looking down at his jeans, Itachi remembered a time that they would have been wrinkled and joining the fray upon the ground. He couldn't keep them on long enough to be counted as dirty.

Deidara wouldn't have let him keep anything on his body. Deidara would have given him a look and both would have been bare in seconds. They would have made love anywhere in this place, uncaring if the apartment across the street could have seen them. He would have had Deidara wrapped around his body, clinging to with so much love and devotion.

Afterwards they would have layed in each others arms, as he breathed in Deidara's scent, smiling to himself knowing Deidara was his. Knowing the ring on the blonde's finger was a sign that Deidara belonged to him. Knowing that they would either get up and make a quick snack, or move to the bed and start all over. Knowing that the rest of their lives would be that perfect and happy.

But four years ago it stopped. It stopped being beautiful. It stopped being messy and colorful. Toward the end they had fought nonstop. They had argued and insulted one another. They had pushed each other away and Deidara had grabbed his things and walked out. He had turned back once, Itachi remembered, had looked at him with tears in his eyes and asked if that was it. In answer, Itachi had turned away and looked out the same window he now leaned against.

The soft click of the door had been a bullet in Itachi's heart, and even as tears fell down his own face, he hadn't looked away from the window. Hadn't seen anything but the blurry images through his tears.

Four years ago he almost married his lover of three years. Had almost started a family with the one he loved the most, instead he had let it all go and every year, on the day before and on the day Deidara had left, he'd sit in the darkness, and remember that everything that mattered, everything that had meant anything to him, every smile and laugh, had left that day too.

And every year, Itachi hated himself a little more because he was too weak, too undeserving, to go after his lover. To find him again and beg forgivness. Every year he'd torture himself instead, allowing his mind to rememember everything that made his life mean anything.

Lifting the chain around his neck, Itachi looked at the only item on it. The small silver ring with a little diamond. It looked so wrong resting in his hand. Looked so wrong clinging to the chain. It wasn't meant to be this way. Wasn't meant to... It should have been on Deidara. Should have been joined by another. It should...

"I'm sorry." he whispered, lifting the ring and kissing it gently. "I'm so sorry."

(._.)

"Mr. Uchiha, the files you wanted are ready to be looked over." Sakura said, placing four thick files on his desk. "I even placed notes throughout all four that might need a closer look." she went on as she looked over a tablet. "Shall I go over your schedual for today?" she asked.

Lifting his gaze from the pile of folders, Itachi nodded. Sakura had been his personal assistant for a year and he had been pleasently surprised with her performance. She was on top of everything, could come through in a pinch. She had been a spur of the moment hire, fresh out of school. His colleagues had thought him mad when on her first day he had given her very important documents and had her review and edit them. His own father had been furious when only afterwards he had signed his name at the bottom without looking at them. And Itachi had only smirked when Sakura's editing had ended up in their favor.

"-and a lunch appointment with your father." Sakura was saying. "After that you have the rest of the day off." When Itachi failed to answer, Sakura said, "Sir?"

"Thank you." Itachi said reaching for the files, already skipping to the notes Sakura had left. He knew that whatever Sakura had deemed questionable would have already been fixed by her. All Itachi would have to do was reword the files and sign. "You're dismissed."

"Of course, Mr. Uchiha." she bowed and walked out of the office as silently as she came. When the door closed behind her, Itachi pushed the thoughts of yesterday away and set to work.

(._.)

"Your mother wants you over for the holidays this year." Fugaku said as he drank his tea, the salad in front of him partially gone. Unlike Itachi's own stake that sat mostly untouched.

"Hn." Itachi answered picking up his water glass. His mother was a sore subject with him. He loved her, yes, but it didn't mean he wished to see her. Not when he felt bitterness wailing up inside of him at seeing her. Every time he saw her or spoke to her, he had to remind himself to be civil to her and hide the anger he felt. It was mostly because of her that he and Deidara had fought so much. She had pushed her way between them almost from day one and they had simply ignored her at first. Only when she found out about their engagment had she pushed even harder. She had started arguments between them with perfectly placed words. She had created doubt between Deidara and himself. Itachi knew that his mother believed that Deidara was only with him for money. That because Deidara came from no where and had nothing, that he was only using Itachi and was saying whatever made Itachi want him more.

Itachi had tried to make her see that they were in love, but once his mother had something in her head, she refused to let it go. When Deidara had walked out on him, her only words were that of her being right all along.

"It wouldn't hurt to call her." His father went on.

"I'm a bit busy at the moment." Itachi said evenly, no trace of emotion in his voice of face as he looked at his father. The lie coming freely from his lips. His father knew it was a lie as well, but never commented on it. He knew Itachi's reasoning for being away from his mother, and had taken to the sidelines, delivering the messages between both parties. Why his father decided that this was one subject he wouldn't dictator, Itachi didn't understand or try to figure out.

"Itachi, she is your mother."

"Yes, I'm quite aware of that."

"You haven't spoken to her in years." his father sighed, sitting back without a slouch to his posture. Itachi had once sat like that, but Deidara had teased him constantly, mimicking him horribly until Itachi started slouching a bit like a normal person, as Deidara said. Now the habit of sitting straight was impossible. Everytime he tried, he would hear Deidara laughing at him, teasing him. And to hear but never see was a heartache he would never get over. "She misses you."

"Imagine that. Now, father if that is all you wish to speak of, I have work to do. The business doesn't run itself." pushing his seat back, he placed his napkin on his plate. As he walked out of the building, he paused on the sidewalk, hands in the pockets of his slacks as he looked both ways. Had Deidara been here he would have just randomly picked a way to walk and gone. Deidara didn't live by rules or order. Each step was powerful all on it's own. Each step he took could give him more time on this earth or end it there and then. Deidara always told him that if he died tomorrow, he wanted today to be something worth remembering. Itachi had made it his life mission to make sure that everyday Deidara opened his eyes, he'd have something worth remembering as he prayed that death never touched his lover the following day. Deidara also believed in threes. Threes of the bad or threes of the good. He believed that if one bad or good thing happen, then another bad or good thing would follow. When that did, the last bad or good thing hit with a bang.

Thinking on that, Itachi counted down the first group of threes, the good. He met Deidara, they fell in love, they got engaged. The second group of threes was the bad. His mother disliked Deidara, they fought, Deidara left...

"She only wanted what was best for you." Fugaku said coming up behind him, looking every bit as regal as any royalty. There was a time Itachi aspired to be him, to stand in his place and become the man that practiaclly owned the world. He remembered telling his classmates proudly that his father was Fugaku Uchiha, and feeling pride spill over him at their awe like looks. It was Deidara that told him to stop being his father. That he wasn't going to date a man trying to be old enough to be his own dad. What would Deidara say if he were to see him now? "Sometimes, though, she gets it wrong."

Turning to look at his father, Itachi lifted his brow, watching as Fugaku fixed his coat into place and a moment later he was gone, the car fading into the hundreds of others already on the road. Once more he was alone in his own thoughts of a past that wouldn't let him go at this time of year, Itachi licked his lips and walked on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

"Momma?" a little voice called from one of the bedrooms. "Momma, where are you?"

"In the kitchen." Deidara replied with a grin on his face, his hair pulled into a messy ponytail. Grabbing the downy, he poured the liquid into the washing machine and closed the lid. With a rumble the machine continued on. Closing the door that separated the machines from the kitchen, Deidara turned around in time to see a little boy walking in with a stuffed teddy bear, almost as big as he was, dragging behind him. The bear was still in good condition, looking a bit worn but otherwise pretty good.

"Momma, I was looking for you for hours." the little boy said, his free hand stretching to the side of him to express the length of time he was looking for him.

"Really now? I didn't realize I had been missing that long." Deidara replied, bending down to pick up his child when he came closer. Closing his eyes, Deidara held his child. There was once another person he had held so deeply in his heart, who had the same dark eyes and hair. The same porcelain skin. Four years today, it would have been their seventh anniversary, and fourth year being married. "Now what has brought my little rescuer to search hours for me?" he asked, pulling back to look into his son's eyes.

With a small smile, Shisui tilted his head, his eyes saying more, expressing more, and yet, each thought was just as secretive as the first. This was so much like Itachi, that Deidara was almost brought to tears. Even if he had never introduced Shisui to his father, Itachi was just as present as Deidara was. Shisui took after him so much that sometimes, Deidara had to take a breath and force himself to think again. To make himself remember that Itachi wasn't a part of their lives.

It wasn't like he hadn't wanted to introduce his son to Itachi. It wasn't like he kept his son a secret. He had planned to tell him, to show him that their little family was going to get bigger soon after the wedding, but Mikoto had been endless with her purpose. She wouldn't let them be until they had ended it. She had forced herself between them. And he knew she was behind the set backs in their wedding plans, purposely misplacing items, and canceling and reordering everything.

In the beginning of the relationship, Deidara had simply put her on the back burner, she wasn't who he was dating so he didn't care for her. When it got more serious between him and Itachi, she had upped her little game, and Deidara had vowed to win her over. When everything he did was thrown back in his face, he stopped trying to please her and went back to ignoring her. The day it all went bad was the day she had found out he was pregnant. How she had, he wasn't sure, but it didn't stop her. She had been furious, accusing him of forcing her son into marriage, of using a baby to keep trap Itachi. She had went on a rampage and by the end of it, Deidara could do nothing but cry. She had made it clear that no child bore by him would ever be accepted by their family and that Itachi would soon come to resent him for it.

He tried not to believe her, knowing she was just telling him whatever would hurt him, that Itachi would never hate their child or him, but at that point in his life, he was tired. Tired of dealing with her, tired of forcing a smile on his face when he really wanted to choke her. He was tired of Itachi telling him to just ignore her and that eventually she would come to accept them. He was tired of being so hated and disrespected. And he had taken his own frustration out on his lover. He had fought with Itachi, and with Itachi at the end of his rope, with being pulled and probed from both directions, had fought back.

"The baby is awake now," Shisui said, pointing the way he had come. "He needs a diaper."

"Did you wake Menma?" Deidara asked, speaking about his nephew, who in reality was his second cousin. Menma was born seven months ago, to his cousin Naruto. Naruto at only sixteen had been like any teenager and just wanted to have fun. Needless to say his fun had become shock and fear when he realized he had impregnanted a girl from school. After Menma had been born, Naruto had ended up with the baby and the girl had gone on to live her life without a care. Naruto had been living with his dad at the time but had left when the arguments became too much. Not wanting to see Naruto struggling, Deidara had invited him to live with him and Shisui, a few hours a way from his dad, and the rest was history. Now Naruto went to school durning the day and Deidara babysat until he came home. Afterwards, Naruto would spend a few hours with his son, doing homework, and babysitting Shisui while Deidara went to work. And in the few short months that they had lived together, they went from being somewhat uncomfortable with each other to being close enough to be brothers.

"He woke up by himself." Shisui said, looking away, his expression filled with innocents, and telling Deidara the answer he seeked. Since Shisui had met Menma, he had been intriged, claiming him as his little brother. He was always beside Naruto or Deidara, depending on who had Menma. He wanted to be the one to hold Menma and feed him. It always made Deidara laugh when Naruto was trying to spend time with Menma and Shisui was telling him everything he did wrong, which Naruto was okay with and took it in good naturally. And naps... Shisui hated the times Menma took his naps, making it impossible for them to play, though they couldn't exactly play the way Shisui had planned.

"I see, and you weren't in the room at all, right?" Deidara asked, hiding a smile. He knew when Menma napped, Shisui would only leave his side for a few minutes, to use the bathroom and for meals, otherwise, he played quietly by Menma's crib, looking up every once in a while to see if Menma had woken up yet.

"I was in the room," Shisui admitted slowly as they headed toward the second bedroom in the apartment. "But I was... playing with my bear and he woke up."

Looking at the clock as they passed, Deidara estimated that Menma had been asleep for two hours, meaning Shisui had played, but grew tired of waiting for Menma. So more then likely he had been whispering Menma's name to wake him up. "Hmmm." Deidara acknowledged as he put Shisui down outside the bedroom and walked in. Automatically, his eyes zoomed in on the crib that had once been Shisui. "Look at you, little guy," Deidara smiled as he reached for a squirming Menma who was slobbering on his hands as he made baby noises. "Do you need a diaper, Menma?" he asked as he moved toward the twin bed that Naruto used.

"Let me do it!" Shisui said excitedly, dropping his bear on the ground as he jumped around Deidara. "I can do it, Momma! I can!"

"I know you can." Deidara laughed as he placed Menma on the bed, Shisui already climbing up to sit beside Menma, a smile on his face as he cooed down at his cousin. "Let me get his diaper, make sure he doesn't roll." he added as he moved toward the closet. Grabbing the box inside, he smiled to himself as he heard Shisui talking to Menma, asking about his nap.

When the box came out too easily, Deidara looked inside and realized that he needed to go to the store soon. Three diapers was all Menma had left, wonderful. How much did he have in his savings? Okay, he had paid the light bill, paid the water, and paid the rent. The phone was paid for the next two months because of an odd job Naruto had done that had paid him enough to pay the phone and buy quite a bit of groceries, mostly cans and boxes that would last them a while. The cable was shut off a week ago but Deidara felt no need to put it back on... so with everything added up, that would put him at thirty plus change. "Shisui, hon, why don't you go pull on your jacket and shoes, we're going to head to the store."

"How come?" Shisui asked as he watched Deidara unbutton Menma's onesie, fitting the diaper into place before removing the other. When he removed the dirty one, Shisui moved closer and put baby powder on Menma. With his eyes narrowed in concentration and his tongue sticking out to the side of his month, he fastened Menma's diaper. With the same intent look, he put Menma's onesie back on and smiled as Menma giggled.

"Because we're running low on Menma's diapers." Deidara said grabbing an outfit to put on Menma. "Now let's get dressed and hurry before it gets colder. We don't want to get sick, do we?"

"No, I'll be right back." Shisui said, kissing Menma's forehead gently before getting off the bed. "Don't go anywhere, Menma, kay?" he said over his shoulder as he moved to the hall closet outside the bedroom.

With another soft laugh, Deidara dressed Menma and then himself. By the time he was done pulling on his own jacket, Shisui had the stroller ready, the diaperbag already in the basket on the bottom and a few blankets waiting for Menma. Placing his nephew in the cocoon, Deidara wrapped Menma up in the extra layers as Shisui stood behind the stroller, his dark red knitt cap resting firmly on his head, hiding his hair and just barely stopping from covering his eyes.

"Are you ready, Momma?" Shisui asked as Deidara made sure everything was off and he had his keys and wallet.

"Okay, let's go. Remember no running down the sidewalk." Deidara reminded his son as he opened the door and let them out.

"I know, he's too little." Shisui said as he walked at a slow steady pace, his face heating up at the time he almost hurt his adopted brother. He hadn't meant to scare his Momma or his Uncle Naruto, but he had wanted to have fun and wanted Menma to have fun too. He rememebered when he was smaller, his Momma would push him really fast as they walked in the park. He wanted Menma to experiance that, but when he had taken off on them, he had lost control and if not for a stranger stopping them, the stroller would have fallen and dropped Menma on the sidewalk. His Momma had yelled at him and put him in the corner when they got home and his Uncle Naruto wouldn't let him near Menma for a few days. But the worst part wasn't that. The was worst part was when Menma had cried. His baby brother had been afraid of him.

Eventually Menma seemed to have forgotten about the incident, but Shisui remembered.

"Momma?"

"Hmm?" his Momma answered as he walked behind them, his gloved hands resting above Shisui's own. He always felt safe with his Momma near. His Momma was the only person he knew wouldn't leave him. He was the only one that Shisui knew would always be with him. Would always protect him and Menma, just like Uncle Naruto would. He didn't understand why he had no Papa. He once asked his Momma but his Momma had said his Papa just wasn't with them. And though he hated seeing other kids with their Papa, Shisui always reminded himself that he had his Momma, his Uncle, and baby brother and that's all that mattered.

"Tell a story, Momma." Shisui said, looking up, seeing his Momma smiling down at him, his own blue cap hiding his Momma's beautiful hair.

"A story? Let's see. Once upon a time, there was a little bird..." his Momma started. And as he went on, Shisui laughed and giggled with each adventure the little bird went on. By the time they made it to the store, Shisui could barely contain his laughter.

"Did the bird really do that?" Shisui asked when his Momma grabbed a box of Menma's diapers. "Did he really scare the cat by flying out the window?"

"He did. He opened the window right up and spread his wings. When he was going to jump the cat caught him and dragged him inside." Deidara chuckled.

"And the bird was really mad, right?" Shisui asked as he watched his Momma pay for the diapers. Wanting to prove how big he was, Shisui grabbed the box and struggled to put it in the basket underneath the stroller. With a last push, the box went in, and he smiled proudly at his Momma.

"Yes, the bird was so mad," his Momma went on, smiling at Shisui, pushing the stroller forward to move out of the way. "He chirped at the cat, and picked at his head."

"And the cat let him?" Shisui asked, as they turned the corner by the side of the building. "How come the cat let him?"

"Because the cat loved the bird." His Momma whispered toward him as they continued around the corner. "Now why don't you tell me a story?"

"Ummm, once upon a time... there was a baby...monster." Shisui decided, nodding his head to his own story, deciding to make it funny. It it was funny, his Momma wouldn't look so sad anymore.

"A baby monster?" his Momma questioned, his eyes lighting up.

"Yup... and he had two horns on his head and on his tail." he went on, trying to figure out what the monster should do in his story. "One day he was walking... like us. And he found a baby..." Shisui said going on to talk about the monster and the baby. When they got closer to their apartment, Shisui noticed kids walking home with backpacks. "Uncle Naruto's almost home."

"He is." His Momma nodded.

"I like when we're all together." Shisui smiled. "I like us being all together. It makes me happy."

"Me too, angel, me too." was all his Momma said. And it was then that Shisui noticed his Momma watching a couple walking with a little girl around his age. Their little family looked so happy.

"I love you, Momma." he said, bringing his Momma's gaze to him.

With his beautiful smile, his Momma said, "I love you more." and Shisui knew that though they didn't have a complete family, they would be okay.

**A/N: I didn't realize that my memory stick wasn't working right until I tried to upload a few stories. Needless to say every updated chapter I was working on was gone, save for one and even then it wasn't what I had originally saved. Damn you memory stick damn you to shits! Lolz**


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